So how do I feel?!
Relieved, knackered, excited to move on and start putting all this behind me but apprehensive for my future health, and a little bit lost..
Having spent the last 248 days being bombarded with appointments.. Always knowing what is next on my treatment plan it feels a bit off odd to be at the end! Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted to be at the end of my treatment.. But I really have a 'what now'?! feeling.. Life HAS changed through this, and coming back out the other side I do still have some appointments to go to, I will see the oncologist again in about a month I think, and the surgeon in 6 weeks to see what reactions have been to radiotherapy and how 'Cilla' is after being zapped by radiation!
There is the possibility that I may need more surgery down the line to get a better result for 'Cilla' but at least this is all surgery I have more of a say in, and I would have more control over when that happens rather than being on an escalator of treatment that I just have to get to the end of, I am at least back in control over if I have the surgery and when.
As I was self employed I don't have a job and a salary to walk back into, and due to changes through the treatment we have decided that the childminding is no longer appropriate so it's time for a rethink, and while I do that I will enjoy a bit of time getting back to doing the things I love and should have been able to do this year.
I now need the fuel my body again and get back into shape, rather than letting my 'sod it, I've been through a lot recently, I want cake/ice cream/chocolate' attitude continue, as we have a holiday to finally look forward to! Adam, the boys and I are off to Majorca for October half term for some sun, swimming, and relaxation as a family, so there is the matter of being able to get into swimwear and not getting harpooned when I am mistaken for a whale!
In the last 3 weeks I've travelled over 750 miles to and from treatment, normally getting home by about 10am.
For the next couple of weeks the radiotherapy continues to work, my skin can continue getting more sore but at the moment it's not too bad!
I dread to think how much money we've spent in hospital car parking and how many appointments I have attended..
I have certainly learnt not to take things for granted and to live life for now a bit more! In July and August I've been lucky enough to have some precious catch ups with my lovely friends I just quite frankly don't get to see enough of due the the distance.. Hayley and I enjoyed a child free dinner while she was in London doing some training.. Jo, mum and I celebrated Jo's birthday at the theatre and Jojo and I popped into town this week to catch up for lunch after my treatment.. We enjoyed getting together for the 1st time in 9.5 years where no one has needed a drink, escorting to the loo, moaned about whatever the others are doing.. We had a lovely glass of wine chatting and enjoying Covent Garden and a mooch around the shops before deciding to see if there were tickets to a show as we walked past a ticket booth!
It felt very naughty going off to a show without the husbands and children, and even more odd not having to rush home as the house was empty.
Aladdin was fab, colourful, vibrant and blingy and we both left the theatre wishing the Genie could sort a magical portal to just transport us home without the trog back!
With the boys packed off to the Inlaws for traditional the camping in the garden sleepover (which I think they will spend the weekend recovering from😂) I booked onto an evening Pilates class, I met a few new people down the gym.. One lady commented 'Wow, I thought my hair was short but yours is even shorter than mine!'
I felt a bit bad for what happened next..
Poor lady didn't know where to look when I explained this wasn't my choice of hairstyle and that I'd been having treatment..😂
So with 2 of my most trusting drinking pals Gina and Ruth away on holidays drinking celebrations will need to wait for now! Instead tonight the hairdresser is coming and going to tidy up my hair (as well as sorting out the boys!) It marks the end of treatment quite nicely.
So now to enjoy the last 2 weeks of the summer holidays hospital free😎
A trip to Cadbury world with nana and pops next week.. And just not having to rush out of the house in the mornings will be lovely for the rest of the holidays!
I'm so blessed to have had great support through all this, but particularly Jo who has hugged me, held my hand, shaved my head, taken me to see Dr Matt late at night and most importantly made me laugh along the way.. I couldn't have done it without you! 💗