5 weeks after Active Treatment

It's been just over a month since I finished Radiotherapy now gang, and it feels a bit odd, as I've not had a big magical sparkly moment where I'm declared "cancer free" where everyone bursts into song with the backing track that's euphoric and uplifting like when they get all yes' on X factor or Britains Got Talent!

So in essence I've just been doing what I do best and plodding on in the meantime. There is no end of treatment scan, but I did see my oncologist this week and the surgeon for review the week after. They will be checking and making sure Cilla (my silicon implant) is still happy after Radiotherapy and that any reaction is as they expect etc. I am waiting for a referral to the Lympadema nurse as there seems to be a bit of swelling and without lymph nodes under my arm my body can't deal with draining excess fluid as it should. Something I will always have to be cautious of now. 

So what's been occurring in the last 5 weeks where I've been appointment free..?

In September I pledged to run at least a mile a day each day, partly for a personal challenge not based on times and speed, but at the moment my Mojo is still a little awol, probably because every run is still making me a completely sweaty mess and feels hard. I am looking forward to the time when a 10k is my standard twice a week run and I don't feel like it's been a complete effort! Just a couple of days to go in this challenge.. Followed swiftly by the Willow 10k at Hatfield house where I'll be joined by lots of friends including some who hadn't classed themselves as a runner but have raisen to the challenge for me! Well done Heather! Adam is also doing the 5k and the boys are taking part in the 1k race so we're all supporting.

The link to the purple parkrun team is Here if anyone still wants to sponsor us, and thanks to all of you who already have! 

We raised £228 on purple parkrun day and I admit I got overwhelmed seeing that many people supporting Willow for me! 

Our Special day and promotion of  Willow has also been in the local paper.. Let's hope it inspires a few more people to run for this fab charity. 

I've also taken back control of a parkrun and stepped back up for a go at run directing as well as clocking up a sub 30 minute 5km.. It'll be a while before I will ring the PB bell, but I'll get there eventually! 

The boys and I took a train adventure to Stafford at the end of the school holidays for a belated birthday trip to Cadbury world with Nana and Pops. It was a great day out, but I confess I may have stolen some of the boys chocolate that is still in the fridge calling my name every time I go in there!

The boys are settling in well to their new school which is huge relief! We've rejigged after school activities and have now found our new routine, and we're all looking forward to our holiday in half term. 

The last few weeks have confirmed yet again how nasty cancer is and it's having an impact on several friends and their families at the moment with some tough times in the coming months.. I promise to work my socks off to run a half marathon before the end of the year to stick two fingers up to this year for us all! 

To show how much the hair is growing (and I had a little trim in August!) Here's a little collage!

My nails are also now looking more healthy (and less like something from one of Adam's zombie programs!), so I have booked an appointment to get them looking pretty for our Holiday. 

So with a birthday at the weekend, our big race, parents evening and a holiday on the horizon as usual there is a lot to look forward to over the next few weeks so time to get organised! 

Bye for now

Phase 3 - DONE!

That's it folks! 'Active treatment' is over! They have thrown all the normal resources at my Cancer and I'm still here to tell the tale! 

So how do I feel?! 

Relieved, knackered, excited to move on and start putting all this behind me but apprehensive for my future health, and a little bit lost..

Having spent the last 248 days being bombarded with appointments.. Always knowing what is next on my treatment plan it feels a bit off odd to be at the end! Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted to be at the end of my treatment.. But I really have a 'what now'?! feeling.. Life HAS changed through this, and coming back out the other side I do still have some appointments to go to, I will see the oncologist again in about a month I think, and the surgeon in 6 weeks to see what reactions have been to radiotherapy and how 'Cilla' is after being zapped by radiation!

There is the possibility that I may need more surgery down the line to get a better result for 'Cilla' but at least this is all surgery I have more of a say in, and I would have more control over when that happens rather than being on an escalator of treatment that I just have to get to the end of, I am at least back in control over if I have the surgery and when.

As I was self employed I don't have a job and a salary to walk back into, and due to changes through the treatment we have decided that the childminding is no longer appropriate so it's time for a rethink, and while I do that I will enjoy a bit of time getting back to doing the things I love and should have been able to do this year. 

I now need the fuel my body again and get back into shape, rather than letting my 'sod it, I've been through a lot recently, I want cake/ice cream/chocolate' attitude continue, as we have a holiday to finally look forward to! Adam, the boys and I are off to Majorca for October half term for some sun, swimming, and relaxation as a family, so there is the matter of being able to get into swimwear and not getting harpooned when I am mistaken for a whale!

In the last 3 weeks I've travelled over 750 miles to and from treatment, normally getting home by about 10am. 

For the next couple of weeks the radiotherapy continues to work, my skin can continue getting more sore but at the moment it's not too bad! 

I dread to think how much money we've spent in hospital car parking and how many appointments I have attended..

I have certainly learnt not to take things for granted and to live life for now a bit more! In July and August I've been lucky enough to have some precious catch ups with my lovely friends I just quite frankly don't get to see enough of due the the distance.. Hayley and I enjoyed a child free dinner while she was in London doing some training.. Jo, mum and I celebrated Jo's birthday at the theatre and Jojo and I popped into town this week to catch up for lunch after my treatment.. We enjoyed getting together for the 1st time in 9.5 years where no one has needed a drink, escorting to the loo, moaned about whatever the others are doing.. We had a lovely glass of wine chatting and enjoying Covent Garden and a mooch around the shops before deciding to see if there were tickets to a show as we walked past a ticket booth! 

It felt very naughty going off to a show without the husbands and children, and even more odd not having to rush home as the house was empty.  

Aladdin was fab, colourful, vibrant and blingy and we both left the theatre wishing the Genie could sort a magical portal to just transport us home without the trog back! 

With the boys packed off to the Inlaws for traditional the camping in the garden sleepover (which I think they will spend the weekend recovering from😂)  I booked onto an evening Pilates class, I met a few new people down the gym.. One lady commented 'Wow, I thought my hair was short but yours is even shorter than mine!' 

I felt a bit bad for what happened next.. 

Poor lady didn't know where to look when I explained this wasn't my choice of hairstyle and that I'd been having treatment..😂

So with 2 of my most trusting drinking pals Gina and Ruth away on holidays drinking celebrations will need to wait for now! Instead tonight the hairdresser is coming and going to tidy up my hair (as well as sorting out the boys!) It marks the end of treatment quite nicely. 

So now to enjoy the last 2 weeks of the summer holidays hospital free😎 

A trip to Cadbury world with nana and pops next week.. And just not having to rush out of the house in the mornings will be lovely for the rest of the holidays! 

I'm so blessed to have had great support through all this, but particularly Jo who has hugged me, held my hand, shaved my head, taken me to see Dr Matt late at night and most importantly made me laugh along the way.. I couldn't have done it without you! 💗

Birthday meets Phase 3!

So the summer holidays are underway and started with a bang..

DRR Friendship mile with cake (and a cheeky couple of ciders) and laughter on a sunny Friday evening.

The next day Adam got the chance of last minute tickets to the anniversary games, Mo Farah and Jess Ennis-Hills were competing, an absolutely fantastic day, made all the more memorable by meeting up with DRR buddies which filled the day with giggles! 

A slightly calmer week followed as we prepared for my birthday and our Willow Special day, which was amazing.. More about that in a moment. 

For my birthday I had arranged an afternoon tea which I baked for and my In Laws hosted in their lovely garden, friends, family, Pimms on the lawn and plenty of cake on a wonderful sunny afternoon was just fantastic!

Just before the holidays I started taking Gina out for some runs and am enjoying making her work hard whilst rebuilding my own fitness, I've also started my return to parkrun and am looking forward to building my distance again over the coming weeks ready for the Willow 10k in October. 

So with talk of parkrun and Willow we are having a parkrun purple team for the Willow race which you can enter here https://www.willowfoundation.org.uk/willow10k, there is also a purple parkrun at Wardown Park, Luton on 10th September with cakes afterwards to raise money for a fantastic local charity who gave us as  a family a wonderful special day at the end of July. 

For our special day we decided on a theatre trip to see the Lion King with the boys as it's something we hadn't done before, and the boys (5 and 9) are at an age where we could all enjoy the show, followed by dinner at the rainforest cafe. Our tickets arrived and our excitement started to grow! 

Once the day arrived and we caught the train into London early to visit Hamleys before the show. We visited the queen and ate sticky buns listening to buskers in the sunshine in Leicester Square. We enjoyed a little walk along the Ride London route to the theatre. 

The show was magical and the children were spellbound during the opening as the animals made their way onto the stage. I'll never forget the looks on the boys faces as they really didn't know where to look first! 

Afterwards we went to The Rainforest Cafe for a lovely meal, with the gorillas and tropical storms. 

The whole day superb and one we will certainly treasure, it's helped put a spring in my step ready to face my radiotherapy, and marks a turning point in the year where we are able to start planning things. We've had to be so patient regarding booking a much needed holiday and we now have that to look forward to in October half term. 

So I've done a week of radiotherapy now, and thankfully my Inlaws have come to my aid with helping with the boys, my early appointments have meant that the traffic and parking getting to Mount Vernon each day so far hasn't been too bad, and I've been able to get back and still had time to enjoy the day. I'm nearly half way through stage 3 of my treatment.. The end is in sight🍾🍾 

Stage 2 - done.. Onwards

Ok, so almost 6 weeks post surgery I still have to be aware of the danger zone but healing has gone well. 

The danger zone is so important as a fiercely independent person who doesn't like asking for help.. But I don't want to undo all that being good has done so I must be good.. For me things in the danger zone are lifting heavy things, emptying the kitchen bin (it's always heavier than I think!) and pushing a heavy shopping trolley. 

However since my drains have come out 4 weeks ago I've managed to get to Pilates twice a week, and started to get back to the gym. And last week after a new sports bra investment I had my 1st little run back. Not far, or fast but I did it! And it's the aim to keep doing it again now.. Although I have no idea how my skin will be once radiotherapy begins, so I do still have to play it by ear a little and not get too frustrated if I have to pause while that part of my treatment is done. 

My hair continues to grow, (even the bits I was enjoying not having 😂). 

So on to Radiotherapy - I need to have 3 weeks worth, at Mount Vernon every day Monday-Friday.. At the moment I still, don't have a start date for it but should find that out tomorrow when I have my planning appointment where they do the CT imaging to 'design' my treatment. From what I understand the planning involves a CT scan and some tiny tattoos and a template being created of where they are going to zap me... Then when I arrive for my daily zapping I guess I get my kit off, get in position, they plug in my details and the computer knows all the settings for each zapping! 

In the meantime though I've been busy catching up with people and generally enjoying all the social stuff.. Take That were amazing!

A birthday treat for Jo with my mum yesterday which has been great, into London to see the musical Beautiful. So many awesome tunes and a lovely grown up day out. 

I also got into London for grown up catch up time with my Hayley.. I think the first time in 9 years we've  got together without the kids.. So super precious time that wasn't full of interruptions of "Can I have a Drink?" "I need a wee!" "I'm hungry" etc we had a lovely meal and a perfect summer evening. We love all 5 of the kids dearly but it really was a special evening and knowing we had seen all 5 kids together 5 weeks earlier helped us feel guilt free about being together without them. 

We've also had several impromptu summer gatherings starting with someone saying 'We're at the pub with the kids..' Just relaxed and what the summer is made for! 

The fun continues over the next few weeks as we've got leavers assembly on Friday pm at school.. emotions will be high for that one I'm sure as it really sums up with a bonkers school year it has been for my family.. And I never imagined my boys would be leaving the school this year.. But a fresh start for September is exciting.

Friday pm - after school picnic followed by DRR friendship mile.. A bit of running, then post run chat and cake with the family all for charity!

Saturday Anniversary games at the Olympic Park. 

Then the following Saturday is our family Willow Special day at the Lion King.. Our tickets are being sent out tomorrow. Followed by birthday celebrations on the Sunday with lots of my most special people! 

And on the subject of Willow.. I have just booked the Willow 10k for the 2nd October if anyone wants to join me it would be great to get a few people running either 5k or 10k for a great charity. You can find more info https://www.willowfoundation.org.uk/willow10k

In the meantime, bring on the summer holidays.. We're ready now! 

Rounding up stage 2

Well, the surgery phase is nearly complete.. And I'm still feeling better than I expected to and taking it all in my stride! 

Surgery was 3 weeks ago and in that time I've ticked off lots of milestones in stage 2 recovery process. 

✅ had mastectomy on my left hand side with immediate reconstruction

✅ got to know 'Cilla' my Silicon/saline combo boob.

✅ celebrated the freedom of having my drains removed.. 

✅ celebrated freedom from waiting for Doris 

✅ Got back driving again after 2.5 weeks

✅ got back to Pilates after 2 weeks 

✅Hitting the gym again within 3 weeks

✅ avoided (and keep avoiding) the danger zone.. Those jobs that are a bit tricky, involving stretching too far or lifting too heavy! 

The last parts of phase 2 recovery are getting some Saline into 'Cilla' which all being well will happen on Wednesday, I then just need to have the port that they use to pump her up removed and surgery phase will be complete. 

Next week I meet my Oncologist regarding Phase 3 of recovery which is Radiotherapy. Each stage has brought it's own frustrations and worries.. But I'm glad this one should mark the end of my treatment. 

When I received my lab results they showed all the lymph nodes were clear which was fantastic and a big relief.

Obviously I continue with the Physio to ensure I get the full range of movement back in my arm but at the moment that is improving daily.

As a family we enjoyed Adam's work summer weekend last week. It was great seeing the boys involved in the activities and enjoying Pimms on the lawn.. And it was only on reflection that I realised how nice it was to have a coating of hair to meet new people. And see a couple that I hadn't seen since the day I was diagnosed! 

One of the ladies asked me about my running and how I had done through my treatment. I said that since it began it's been disheartening seeing where I was and where I have got to pick up from but that the return is hopefully now sniffing distance away.. One of the biggest smiles though was when she told me that after we spoke at the Christmas do I had inspired her to get out and run.. And that this week she was tackling a 10k route for the 1st time. 😊👏🏻 

I'm loving getting back to some excercise, slowly but surely I'll make progress back to doing what I was enjoying so much before all this kicked off! 

So at the moment during July I'm looking forward to

* seeing take that next weekend

* trip to see Beautiful the musical with Jo for her birthday.

* catching up with Hayley in London

* the boys end of term activities

* the start of the summer holidays

* Our family trip to see the Lion King thanks to the Willow foundation. 

* My birthday!!

As usual it's going to be a busy few weeks.. Bring it on!!

50th Parkrun and surgery looms!

So last Saturday I completed my 50th parkrun, and my last for a little while as surgery looms tomorrow, a great morning with plenty of parkrun cake afterwards. It took some coordination to have Jake, Ash and I all do our 50th on the same day, but well worth it!

I claimed hugs and well wishes a plenty of lots of friends, and it was lovely to catch up with an old work friend from before I had the boys who came down from Northampton for a special run in the park. The boys and I looked great in our personalised tops from Kate and all in all it was a fantastic morning.

Half term also saw Luke turn 5, my baby boy is getting 'lines' not he's old.. Bless his heart! As daddy was away for the day it's self we celebrated with a birthday cinema trip on bank holiday Monday, and then the boys and I headed to visit family and celebrate in Stafford with Nana and Pops. 

Then with the boys back at school on Monday I set about doing the final prep for surgery. The house is as sorted as possible, the fridge is stocked and I'm ready to face the next big bit of the process. 

So I head to the hospital for 11 tomorrow morning ready for surgery In the afternoon. I'm having a mastectomy and Lymph node clearance on my left hand side, with implant reconstruction, and should be in for between 1-3 days.. Obviously I'm hoping to be out and recovering at home with my boys as soon as possible but will just have to wait and see. 

That's to all of you who have messaged and offered help with the boys. I'm sure Adam will post an update when he can, and will take up some of your kind offers as and when we need to, as I'm sure over the next few weeks there will be appointments where we need to be in 2 places at once.. Or just a little rest time. As always your support is fantastic and has been a huge help in seeing the through the next bit! 

So anyway, as I have to be up at stupid o'clock if I want some breakfast in the morning I really should get to sleep! 

Decisions!

So Chemo is done, the picc line came out... (Eventually after a trip to Hillingdon!) 

I realised yesterday while talking to a friend about all that has happened since Chemo started makes it all seem like a lifetime ago already, where as it was actually just two weeks since the last one and 4 months ago chemo began! 

-In that time we've had the fireplace knocked out 

-Decorated the living room

-Had new carpets and sofa

-Visited my bestie in Scotland (Jake went to Eurodisney) 

-Bestie's baby has arrived! (As has another friends baby this week) 

-Lost hair, eyebrows and eye lashes.. But they are starting to come back now. 

-Discovered what amazing friends I have with me through thick and thin, especially Jo, who has wiped my tears, shaved my head and sat with me on the chemo unit 💗 and my drinking buddies who obligingly down tools to drink wine whenever needed. 

-Enjoyed play dates with my mum which has despite the naff situation forced us to embrace the miles on the motorway and the train and spend lots of great time together, (even if we are a bad influence on each other😘)

So chapter 2 is nearly ready to start and the seeds have started to be sown. Last week I had my mammogram and ultrasound, along with a meeting with the surgeon to discuss my options on Friday.

Sadly although the images looked good and show a marked improvement on the size on my lump they advised that they could operate and try to conserve my own boob but if it's not successful I will have to go back in for a full mastectomy with implant reconstruction. This news really just left me with 2 choices regarding the type of reconstruction I have as I want to get from where I am now to being fixed in the quickest possible route.. I don't want to mess about trying this and ending up with multiple surgeries and more time in hospital away from my lovely boys. 

So I have now made the decision to have a mastectomy with implant reconstruction on the 9th June. 

This is a few weeks later than the dates I had mapped out in my head sadly, so I now will definitely still be having treatment when it's my birthday and also having radiotherapy at Mount Vernon through the summer holidays which I was hoping to avoid. 

I've seen pictures of how my new boob could look, talked through what my surgery will entail and how long I am likely to be in, and take to recover etc.. So really just want to crack on with it again now, but am back in limbo until I go in now. Aside from some complementary therapy sessions and my pre op assessment I now have the next month without having to have treatment. So my focus is about trying to get a little bit stronger again before surgery, and hopefully enjoying higher energy levels and the start of the summer weather, today however we have rain.. But at least I don't look like a drowned rat!

Last week it was lovely to enjoy a picnic tea at the downs, parkrun volunteering in the sun, the first BBQ of the year, and a lovely day at shuttleworth airshow.. Over the next month I'll certainly drink tea anywhere that isn't my house as I'll be seeing lots of those walls (or hopefully the garden)  during the time I can't drive 😂

Surgery will be on the 9th June. Just want to get there now and get done so I'll be a step nearer to being fixed!